Dove that ventured outside, flying far from the dovecote:
housed and protected again, one with the day, the night,
knows what serenity is, for she has felt her wings
pass through all distance and fear in the course of her wanderings.
The doves that remained at home, never exposed to loss,
innocent and secure, cannot know tenderness;
only the won-back heart can ever be satisfied: free,
through all it has given up, to rejoice in its mastery.
Being arches itself over the vast abyss.
Ah the ball that we dared, that we hurled into infinite space,
doesn’t it fill our hands differently with its return:
heavier by the weight of where it has been.
Rainer Maria Rilke
It’s been a month since nano 2011 ended, and I finally got to [start] posting Ghost in the Machine. I’d hoped to post at least twice a week, but it doesn’t seem to be feasible, since it took me these four weeks to polish up the first five chapters. Very rough four weeks, if I may be honest; I went through several waves of depression over this work and even considered giving it up, but now that I’ve started posting, there’s no turning back.
Happy new year, dear friends. This gift was a bit slow in the making, but that’s because you deserve no less than the best I can do.
Smehur gave birth to Ghost in the Machine which quickly turned out to be a child with special needs. And while Smehur loves its offspring very much, for Smehur has wanted to tell this story since day one, Smehur is starting to feel the weight of its own numerous inadequacies.
Continue reading Postpartum Depression
Dreams were the ideal vehicle for this project: universal experiences with a history of fascination expressed in popular and esoteric literature, but with clear links to the extreme states of insanity and everyday abnormality.
John Forrester (Introduction)